Course Catalog
A rigorous study of minimalism. Bring your own crayon (singular). Warning: Eating art supplies results in immediate failure and a meeting with the nurse.
Who needs dancing when you can turn Subway's dumpster scraps into art? Students sculpt interpretive works from stale baguettes, moldy croissants, and day-old bagels, then defend them before a critique panel that has eaten less recently. Portfolio required. The bread will outlive your enrollment.
Draw little guys in your notebook margins! Give them hats! Give them swords! Give them traumatic backstories where they have to avenge their fallen stick families! Final project: a graphic novel detailing a cow going on the Hero's Journey.
A literary analysis of contracts, waivers, and Terms of Service as narrative texts. Discover the poetry in legal disclaimers and the tragedy hidden in arbitration clauses.
Compare pre-Hawthorne Wonderland literature (chaotic, nonsensical, unmonetized) with modern approved works (structured, branded, profitable). Guest reading from the Hawthorne Family Memoir.
Find the verse in value propositions. Students will compose odes to quarterly earnings, elegies for discontinued products, and haikus about synergy. Rhyming with "stakeholder" earns extra credit.
Capstone seminar in crafting your personal narrative. Learn to omit strategically, embellish tastefully, and transform embarrassing failures into "pivots." Ghostwriters available for final project.
Is this muffin real? Are YOU real? Does it matter if the muffin is delicious? A foundational course in asking questions that ruin everyone's lunch break.
Who deserves the last donut? Explores utilitarian frosting allocation, the trolley problem but it's a pastry cart, and whether stealing from the break room is praxis.
Nothing matters, but the customer is always right. Reconciling the absurd with a smile. Covers the philosophy of "have a nice day" and finding serenity in hold music.